Forgive and Forget

Can you separate, separate me from the sin?

I have had this thought running through my head for a while now. It is not that I do not acknowledge my imperfections, I do its that there is a certain desire to distance myself from them. It is a desire towards some nirvana of leaving your dark side behind. Or is it letting your nirvana go and accepting the darkness inside. I do not necessarily equate darkness to evil, more of an unknown the unexplored side of our psyche and mind. It is a strange sensation of having two beings inside of you and sometimes it feels like I am tearing myself apart as the battle rages on.
I am not schizophrenic promise. And well you could call me crazy but first you have to define normality to me without simply pointing out to the acceptable social norms the majority follows. And these sins they are more in a spiritual then religious sense since I am not a very religious person but that's a long story for another day and another post. But is it strange that I am not sure what I would keep around the nirvana or this darkness this unknown. I have attempted to merge them and have been unnecessarily in that, but I doubt I am the only one in this. It is good to know that there are people by my side in these times.

I will make it through this I will persevere!

Vulnerable are we all
With our faith we go on
Till it's over
The world doesn't always love you
but you never let that define you.

Unexpected treasure chests are the best

Man I am spinning a lot of mental gears right now. I am in a weird state of mind and no I am not drunk or high, physically tired and mentally running a high octane mix. I should sleep but I will just lay there thinking furiously without any tangible gain from it. But in actuality things are not always about tangible gains and concrete developments sometimes its just about a memory dump and as I posted in Deja Vu giving away the stone and let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges. Its lightens the load. Another interesting development is how I have changed my view on things and my willingness to share these views with others. Its a view which is an observed opinion if you ask me, and its been an uplifting for me to have these conversation with people. Its a good thing. And I was at a Sevendust show tonight and that just rocked the house. Except for one song during acoustic set that really sort of tranced me out and just made everything slow, specially this:

I could break into a million pieces
So just run as fast as you can for me
You mean everything

It was such a moment of serenity where everyone disappeared and just flowing through the music and those few words that sort of seeped into my subconscious and took me along for the ride as well. I wish I had more control over those scenarios but it does not work like that. That is why when they happen they are strange, intriguing and beautiful in a sense. I will continue to explore this mental labyrinth of my mind dealing with treasures and menacing minotaurs.

Disengage the rage

Push the clutch in
release me now
let me feel the
burn in the veins
roar in the heart,
Red line me now
I am about to burn out.

The bitter pleasure
leads to sweetest of pains.
We are but one now,
separation
no longer exists
The life of horror flick,
No more!
This evil I bring its a reality show.

Held at your feet
by these invisible chains.
Toss me a bone
taunt me some more
tasting the flesh
awakens the beast.
With the killer growl
I am taking you down
Step in the ring
My patience is thin.

I am no square pants
as I sponge up your sins
Brightening your halo
With evil deeds,
violent responsibilities.
As realms divide
The closer we become.
As the division bell rings
So fly the pigs
Sheep feast on dogs
The chaos rages on
As peace rules within.

Transmuate your soul
from gold to lead
let it not be
life's final step.
Retreat to your rage
the angry shell.
Run to the hills
as the angels of sin
rain sulfur and fire
on our souless bodies
laying beneath.

Deja Vu

So it happened again, yeah I know the title gives it away but that's done already. I had a reoccurring dream semi conscious experience. It involves a Tool song The grudge. And here are the lyrics that are most involved in the experience

Give away the stone. Let the oceans take and
Transmutate this cold and fated anchor
Give away the stone. Let the waters kiss and
Transmutate these leden grudges into gold
Let go.

This song has a meaning to me it was a revelation to me to let go of petty things weighing me down. So I listen to this song when I need a remainder to let these things go. Well I fell asleep listening to the song and I was sleeping and dreaming but I could hear the song playing. When it got to this part all of sudden I am standing on a dock on the lake and Maynard starts singing the first line and I just calmly fall into the water and start sinking embracing the cool water and its depths and how they separate me from the world and my problems. Its getting cold and deeper and I am sinking slowly embracing the end letting the anchor over take me thus the second like. Its an internal battle in the third line as the water slowly laps at my cheek and over my eyes as there is a certain beauty in it. All off suddenly there is a single ray of sunshine that pokes through the depth and illuminates my face. And the transformation begins the stone is dissolved into a thousand shadows that fall to the bottom. I am furiously rising through the water and as he screams let go I explode through the surface in a blinding sphere of light followed by me striking the surface of the water with my fist. And I am standing there on this seemingly frozen surface and there is a figure of the girl in front of me extending her hand. And my stone is gone and away. I still do not know who she is. I had this dream 2 years ago and last night I fell asleep to grudge again and same dream. Only difference is that there was more shadows and I sank deeper into water. I guess a little soul cleansing and purification was needed. Its just crazy the conscious and subconscious connections I make with that song.

The fear that haunts us all

OK so here it is the beginning of the blogging career. I suppose its not a bad idea to spill the thoughts that my brain gears churn out. Well at least its good for me for others well it may be a debatable statement. But as they say we will cross that bridge in due time. There is something to be said with me and taking chances, and that is well I have always tended to stay on the safe side. Well in the past week I took a chance and its pretty cool how it all unfolded. There was a certain amount or rush with walking on a razors edge but it worked out pretty well for me. Yes its about a girl! But its more than what it seems its the whole thought process change that I experienced. Its not an easy thing to say but I have always been on the side to feel sorry for people when things are going bad for them. Yes we need to be compassionate and extend a helping hand and I believe I put in a good faith effort in that. What I gained from meeting this girl and getting to know her is that you help people you encourage them you extend the helping hand. But don't just hold their hand as they waller in their sorrow. Pick them up help them move along from whats causing them sadness and grief. For a longest time I had trouble understanding this and really applying it. But really in talking to her and understanding it has changed me already. So I have a friend who is not happy with his job not happy with his family and he talks to me to blow off steam. Hell that's what friends are for. But he also wants to stay in that sorrow puddle because it does get comfortable I know from experience. So today he had a bad day and was just ranting and raving and I listed to him made sure he is all right. But the difference is I am pointing him in the direction that we all have a bad day and if you think that is the worst day ever well its over and the next one has to be better so we move on. Did he like it probably not right away. But these things sink in and there is a realization at the end of that road and that's its a therapeutic process helping someone move along and into a better situation. So I want to thank you, and yes you know who you are :) for the life lesson. A dive into somewhat of an unknown can unearth a wonderful treasure at the end. Sure did for me.